Teen Attitudes Toward Marriage

Changes in Teen Attitudes
Toward Marriage, Cohabitation and Children

1975 – 1995

The Next Generation Series

Barbara Dafoe Whitehead
David Popenoe

Introduction

The current cultural climate in the United States is not conducive to strong, lasting marriages and childrearing by stable two-parent families. If we hope to overcome the increasing social and economic impoverishment of our nation’s young people, the tide of divorce, fatherlessness, and out-of-wedlock childbearing must be stemmed. As a first step, it is critical that we listen to what our young people are saying. What are the attitudes of American teenagers about marriage, cohabitation and children, and how have these attitudes changed in recent decades?

The period for which we have good trend data, and the focus of this review, is 1975-1995. During this period American teens have expressed a growing esteem for marriage, family and monogamy. In thinking about the future, an increasing number of teens say that marriage and family life are "extremely important" to them. Most want their marriages to be lifelong.

Yet there is cause for much concern. Teens and young adults today are pessimistic about the possibility of actually having a stable, two-parent household, and increasingly they do not think their marriages in fact will last a lifetime. Further, many teens have become highly tolerant of out-of-wedlock childbearing, single-parent childrearing and nonmarital cohabitation. They do not seem to fully grasp the economic, social and personal costs of single parenthood.

This review includes statistics from a variety of surveys of American teenagers. Much of the information comes from the Monitoring the Future surveys of high school seniors, conducted annually since 1975 by the Survey Research Center at the University of Michigan.

Marriage

Marriage is viewed as an important part of the future for most high school seniors. They say they most likely will choose getting married in the long run, and this attitude has increased slightly over the years from 77% in 1975 to 80% in 1995 (Monitoring the Future). In 1995 only 4% of the seniors answered that they probably would not get married, with the remaining 16% either already married or answering that they "have no idea." A 1992 Gallup poll of youth aged 13 - 17 years found an even larger percentage who thought they would marry someday—88% compared with 9% who expected to stay single. Gallup has undertaken a youth poll several times since 1977 and the proportion of youth expecting to marry someday has not varied much through the years (Bezilla, 1993).

The great majority of high school seniors also strongly believe in the importance of marriage and family life, but more so for girls than for boys. Between 1980 and 1995, there was an increase from 75% to 78% in the proportion of seniors who said that having a good marriage & family life were "extremely important" (another 14% answered "quite important"). The proportion of girls who agree with this statement is consistently 9 -12% higher than the proportion of boys (Monitoring the Future). In a recent survey of the nation’s college freshmen, however, there was not much difference between the numbers of males (70%) and females (72%) who consider raising a family to be an "essential" or "very important" objective (The American Freshman).

Monogamy, Length of Marriage and Divorce

While the overwhelming majority of teens say that they value a good marriage, they do not respond quite so positively to questions about lifelong marriage. The effects of our divorce culture appear to have reduced their expectations. In response to the question, "How likely do you think it is that you would stay married to the same person for life," only 61% of respondents in 1995 thought this was "very likely," compared to 65% in 1975 (Monitoring the Future). Girls express more optimism than boys in answering that they are "very likely" to stay married to the same person for life (64% and 59%, respectively, in 1995). (Compare this lack of conviction about lasting marriage to the almost 92% of teens who, in 1995, said that marriage and family life were "quite" or "extremely important.")

Yet high school seniors seem to believe in monogamy more than ever. In 1975, 60% disagreed or mostly disagreed with the statement: "Having a close intimate relationship with only one partner is too restrictive for the average person." In 1995, almost 70% of those surveyed disagreed (Monitoring the Future).

Teens' pessimism about lifelong marriage was echoed in their attitudes about divorce. A 1993 Gallup poll found that only 23% of respondents believe that divorcing couples try hard to save their marriages while 71% believe that couples do not try hard enough (80% of older teens and 65% of younger teens). Also, 76% of teens believe that divorce laws are too lax, with older teens again predominating.

Data from another source, the 1987 wave of the National Survey of Children, provide further information about teen attitudes toward divorce and family breakup. According to this source, in the young adult category (ages 18-22), 8 in 10 males and 7 in 10 females believe that children do better with both parents, and 2 in 3 believe that "when parents divorce, children develop permanent emotional problems" (Moore and Stief, 1991). In a similar vein, 70% of youths participating in a Gallup Poll (1994) said it is better for teens to live with both a mother and a father. Yet 28% of respondents said that it is not necessarily better for teens to live with both parents.

The 1987 wave of the National Survey of Children found some striking racial differences in youth attitudes about marriage. 84% of non-black youths agreed or strongly agreed that "unless a couple is prepared to stay together for life, they should not get married." By contrast, only 63% of black females and 69% of black males agreed or strongly agreed with the statement (Moore & Stief, 1991).

Quality of Marriage

Teens seem to have become more pessimistic about the chances in modern society for having a happy marriage. High school seniors participating in the Monitoring the Future survey were asked: How much do you agree or disagree with the statement, "One sees so few good or happy marriages that one questions it as a way of life." In 1975, 26% agreed or mostly agreed, climbing to 32% in 1995. At the same time, those who disagreed or mostly disagreed dropped from 53% to 42%.

Despite this increasing concern about the institution of marriage, however, most high school seniors feel that they would be a "good" or "very good" spouse (85% in 1995 and 88% in 1975).

Marriage and Working Wives

The idea of married women working outside the home has become accepted by virtually all teens in America today. Of the 13 - 17 year olds surveyed by Gallup in 1993, 94% said that having a career is very important. And In a survey of 1,001 randomly chosen ninth graders (which would indicate an age of about 14 years) in St. Paul, Minnesota, 99% of the girls said they plan to work after getting married, and 85% of the boys expected their wives to continue working after getting married (Stevens, et al., 1992).

High school seniors increasingly believe that a job does not detract from a woman’s relationship with her husband. In 1975, 66% of high school seniors surveyed "disagreed" or "mostly disagreed" that "having a job takes away from a woman’s relationship with her husband." By 1995, the figure was up to 75% (Monitoring the Future). Not surprisingly, a greater percentage of girls than boys disagree with this statement (86% vs. 65%).

High school seniors who were told to imagine that they were married and had no children, were asked the question, how they would feel about the wife not working at all, while the husband works full-time? The percentage of both boys and girls who said that this was "not at all acceptable" rose between 1976 and 1995—from 14% to 24% for boys, and from 37% to 41% for girls. (Monitoring the Future) The percentage of respondents who stated that it was "not at all acceptable" for both spouses to work full-time dropped from 20% in 1976 to only 8% in 1995, while those saying it was actually "desirable" for both spouses to work full-time increased from 20% to 31%.

Cohabitation

Survey research indicates a remarkable increase in the acceptability of cohabitation among teens. In 1975, 35% of high school seniors agreed or mostly agreed that "it is usually a good idea for a couple to live together before getting married in order to find out whether they really get along." By 1995, the figure had skyrocketed to 59% (Monitoring the Future). This supports the findings of the National Survey of Children (1987) that "more than half of youth endorse living together before marriage as making ‘a lot of sense’" (Moore, 1991).

High school seniors were also asked how much they agree or disagree with the statement: "Most people will have fuller and happier lives if they choose legal marriage rather than staying single, or just living with someone." Somewhat surprisingly, the percentage of girls who "disagree" and "mostly disagree" with this statement is consistently higher than that of boys, 40% for girls and 29% for boys in 1995 (Monitoring the Future). And, while the proportion of girls who disagree or mostly disagree with the statement has remained relatively stable since 1976, there has been a decrease in the proportion of boys who share this opinion (from 35% in 1976 to 29% in 1995).

The greatest change has been in the proportion of teens expressing no opinion to the statement, increasing from 24% in 1976 to 31% in 1995. Perhaps this indicates that while most high school seniors say they want a good marriage and family life, when faced with a choice between marriage and cohabitation many do not have the conviction to say that marriage will provide a happier life. In addition, with greater societal acceptance of cohabitation and of expressive individualism in general, it may be more difficult for young people to indicate disapproval of any lifestyle choice.

By 1975, the first year of the Monitoring the Future survey, the effects of the sexual revolution were already evident in high school seniors’ responses to questions about the acceptability of different lifestyles, especially cohabitation. Over the years, respondents have been asked to complete the following statement: "A man and a woman who live together without being married are... (1) experimenting with a worthwhile alternative lifestyle, (2) doing their own thing and not affecting anyone else, (3) living in a way that could be destructive to society, (4) violating a basic principle of human morality, or (5) none of the above. In 1976, 52% of seniors said that two people who live together are "doing their own thing and not affecting anyone else." This figure dropped to just under 48% in 1980 and rose to 55% in 1995. The response that living together is "experimenting with a worthwhile alternative lifestyle" garnered a 19% response rate in 1976, increased to 25% in 1987, and dropped back to 18% in 1995.

Children

Having Children

The teen years are a time when thinking about children and parenthood is not a particularly high priority. When asked about the likelihood that they would want to have children, the percentage of high school seniors stating that it’s "very likely" has been relatively stable, 59% in 1975 and 62% in 1995. The 1993 Gallup Poll found that 40% of the 13 - 17 year olds surveyed think that having children is "very important", while 44% think it is "somewhat important" (only 15% think it is "not at all important").

Being a Parent

When asked to respond to the statement: "Being a mother and raising children is one of the most fulfilling experiences a woman can have," the overall percentage of seniors who agree has also been steady through the years (33% in both 1975 and 1995). Interestingly, however, the valuation of motherhood seems to have increased among girls. The percentage of girls agreeing with the statement was six percentage points higher in 1995 (43%) than in 1975 (37%) (Monitoring the Future).

Fatherhood has also risen in esteem, among both boys and girls. When asked to respond to the statement: "Being a father and raising children is one of the most fulfilling experiences a man can have," the percentage of seniors saying they agree was about nine points higher in 1995 than in 1975 (45% vs. 36%).

The majority of high school seniors believe that mothers and fathers should spend more time with their children than they do now. However, today’s teenage girls plan to work when they have children. In the 1993 Gallup Poll, 75% of teens said that working after having children was "very important" to them, and 19% said it was "somewhat important." Eighty-six percent (86%) plan to go back to work before their child enters first grade.

Also, high school seniors today do not seem to think that the presence of a parent in the home during a child's formative years is that important. In 1995, only 21% of boys agreed that a preschool child is likely to suffer if the mother works, a drop from 47% in 1976. Among girls, only 8% agreed with the statement in 1995, compared to 29% in 1976. And 55% of girls and 78% of boys agreed or mostly agreed in 1995 that a working mother can establish just as warm a relationship with her children as a mother who does not work.

In general, most high school seniors feel that they would be "fairly good," "good," or "very good" as a parent. Indeed, the proportion of seniors who said they would be a "very good" parent has increased significantly, from 31% in 1975 to 52% in 1995. It is hard to think of what reality this increase might be reflecting.

Nonmarital and Teen Childbearing

In the Monitoring the Future survey, high school seniors were asked to complete the following statement: A man and a woman who decide to have and raise a child out of wedlock are...1) experimenting with a worthwhile alternative lifestyle, 2) doing their own thing and not affecting anyone else, 3) living in a way that could be destructive to society, 4) violating a basic principle of human morality, or 5) none of the above. In 1976, 34% of seniors chose "doing their own thing"; by 1995, this increased to 42%. Concurrently, there was a 5-point decline in those who said that having a child out of wedlock is "living in a way that could be destructive to society" (from 22% to 17%.) And there has been a three point decline in those who say this would "violate a basic principle of human morality" (from 22% to 19%).

Moore and Stief (1991) found that "fewer than 1 in 20 youths strongly agree that ‘single women should not have children, even if they want to.’" However, while more teens than ever believe that it’s all right for single woman to bear children, they do not see teen parenting in a positive light. Using data from the 1987 National Survey of Children, Moore and Stief found that "a substantial majority of youths agree that teenage parenthood is one of the worst things that could happen to a 16-year-old" (p. 370).

Another investigation of adolescents’ expectations regarding marriage and childbearing analyzed data from the 1979 National Longitudinal Survey of Labor Market Experience of Youth (Trent,1994). Though now somewhat dated, the sub-sample consisted of 6,684 never-married male and female adolescents between the ages 14-19. Most of the youths did not expect to marry within five years, to have a child before age 20, or to have a nonmarital birth within five years. But results varied substantially by race. 29% of Black adolescents compared to 13% of Hispanic adolescents and 11% of White adolescents expected to have a child outside of marriage within 5 years.

Conclusion

Overall, teens think that having a good marriage and family life is important and most say that it is likely they will get married. But they are less than certain that their future marriages will last a lifetime. In the 1995 Monitoring the Future Survey, one-third of high school seniors agreed or mostly agreed that "one sees so few good marriages that one questions it as a way of life." In addition, marriage is facing stiff competition from cohabitation. Living together before getting married was considered a good idea by almost 60% of high school seniors in 1995. And when asked if they agree or disagree with the statement that people will be happier if they choose marriage rather than staying single or just living with someone, over 30% of the students said "neither." Apparently, these youths do not have the evidence to convince them that marriage will provide a happier life.

Teen responses also reflect a shift in views about work in the context of childrearing, especially for women. In general, women expect to work after getting married and after having children, with almost 80 percent of females believing that a working mother can establish just as warm a relationship with her children as a mother who does not work. In 1995, only 42% of teens thought it was unacceptable for both spouses to work full-time when there was a pre-school child at home.

According to research evidence, child wellbeing is associated with the formation of strong attachment bonds in infancy as well as substantial interactions with at least one consistent loving caregiver, usually a parent, especially during the first three years. Although the evidence does not support the idea that mothers harm their children by working, it nonetheless suggests that children benefit from high levels of parental time and nurture. (As a rough guideline, the "60-hour" rule is a useful measure; that is, the total work week for two working parents of very young children should be kept to around 60 hours.) From the standpoint of child wellbeing, therefore, it is not reassuring that most high school students believe it makes no difference if both parents work full-time. Even more alarming is the fact that over 50% believe a man and a woman who decide to have a child without being married are either "experimenting with a worthwhile lifestyle" or "are doing their own thing and not affecting anyone else." Responses like these indicate that the teen population does not have an adequate understanding of the enormous parental time investment involved in childrearing or the effects of out-of-wedlock childbearing on children’s wellbeing or future life prospects.

The evidence points to a growing gender gap in teen attitudes on several crucial measures. Compared to teenage boys, teenage girls are significantly more likely to approve of single parenthood, cohabitation, and staying single rather than marrying. Since young women typically set and uphold the norms of love and family relationships, these attitudes represent a dramatic departure from earlier times. From these data, we cannot conclude, as some optimistic futurists have done, that we are witnessing a counterrevolution among youth that will lead to a reversal of current trends of family breakup, single motherhood and cohabiting unions.

In the final analysis, then, the surveys point up a growing disparity between teens' ideals of marriage and family life—which, if anything, are stronger than ever—and their pessimism about actually achieving those ideals. In part, this disparity may reflect the teens' own life experiences in growing up with divorce, single parenthood and cohabitation. It also surely relates to the general cultural shift towards tolerance of alternative views and choices. Teens seem to be very unwilling to condemn their peers' choices of single parenthood and cohabitation, even if they personally would not make these choices.

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Changes in Teen Attitudes Toward Marriage, Cohabitation and Children